What makes a good go-go bar? There are almost as many answers to that question as there are punters. For some, it’s the hottest girls, the sauciest shows, the cheapest drinks or the most laughs.
For others, however, it’s how “hands on” the entertainment is.
Pattaya has earned a reputation for its supposedly dirty, hands-on bars, but the carry on in a handful of Bangkok go-go bars – almost all located on Soi Cowboy – go far beyond what is allowed in Sin City chrome pole palaces.
Pattaya likes to put on a good show, but these Bangkok go-gos – sometimes literally – put the money where their mouths are.
So, with no further adieu, Stickboy Bangkok brings you Bangkok’s Ten Dirtiest Go-Go Bars.
1. Moonshine Joint (Soi Cowboy)
2. Toy Bar (Soi Cowboy)
Numbers 1 and 2 – and 4 and 5 – are all owned by the same American guy and all follow the same formula. It’s simply a matter of how often the antics occur that determined their rankings.
All “old school” go-go bars, Moonshine, Toy, Jungle Jim’s and Fanny’s (MTJF) features a shrinking handful of full-time dancers who shuffle unenthusiastically two-by-two on a small stage. Recently, MTJF have employed young, attractive agency coyotes who, to these bar’s main clientele and fans, are ruining the reason people go there.
One in the hand is worth two in the bush at Moonshine Joint
Simply put, the “dancers” at these bars are experts with their hands. Just like any good male, who can unsnap a bra with one hand, these older professional females have mastered the art of the one-handed fly-unzip. What happens after that doesn’t take much imagination.
Crankshaft repairs carry a sticker price of 500 baht.
At the same time, your hostess will be “milking” you for lady drinks. They’re only 100 baht each, so that’s a bargain, but their trick is to ask for a “whiskey & Coke” and come back with a shot of Sangsom and a cola, setting you back 200 baht for two lady drinks.
3. Afterskool (Soi Cowboy)
Afterskool, although not under the same ownership, is another similar-looking “old school” bar in almost every way. Unfortunately, coyote disease has afflicted this long-time fixture as well, cutting down on some of the extracurricular activities that once were commonplace.
Afterskool antics actually go further, at times, than MTJF, offering a “naughty boy corner” where full-out oral relief can be procured. Such extra service at times gets carried in the bench seating near the back as well. But prices for such value-added services have skyrocketed in the past four years, jumping from 500 to 750 to the current, 1,000 baht.
The same lady drink milking as at MTFJ occurs here at roughly the same prices.
4. Jungle Jim’s (Soi Cowboy)
5. Fanny’s (Soi Cowboy)
The last two MTJF bars are ranked lower simply because they were hit hardest by full-time staff losses and were the first to get set upon by coyotes. Extra curricular activities have dropped off precipitously here as the “good girls” have cemented their positions.
While lady drinks for the full-timers are 100 baht, for coyotes they are 200 baht. And barfines – 500 baht for dancers – are 3,000 baht for the coyotes. And, despite the extra cost, none of the coyotes will engage in the kind of tawdry behaviour their older sisters get into. So, they’re basically useless.
6. Crazy House (Soi Cowboy)
Bangkok’s bar with the worst reputation for naughtiness actually is quite tame by comparison with the go-gos in the Top 5. And its pluses far outweigh its supposed negatives.
The bar, not actually on Soi Cowboy but on Soi 23 just around the corner, is Nirvana for nudity lovers. About half the staff dances – and walks around the floor afterward – buck naked.
Literally overflowing with attractive young women – not THAT young anymore – they can be seen bouncing up and down on the laps of guys with stupid smiles from ear to ear.
Oh, sure, there’s a fair amount of groping going on in exchange for 160-baht lady drinks (170 for tequila) and some snogging and “probing” for answers, but nothing of an “old school” nature taking place either on the sofas or upstairs around the second stage.
Relative to some other joints on Cowboy, Crazy House is “naughty” but not so “dirty”.
7. Black Pagoda (Patpong)
Patpong’s only entry – Patpong 1 was not worth checking – is Black Pagoda, the current king of buzz in Bangkok’s go-go scene. It’s an odd mix of wanna be Khao San Road hipster nightclub and chrome pole palace, with friendly and hot coyotes who break the mould of typical coyotes, and a gaggle of slightly older and even friendlier go-go dancers.
Despite its hi-so aspirations, however, there’s a fair amount of low-brow action carrying on in the Pagoda’s dark corners, and sometimes right at the bar. There’s also an upstairs “lounge with two sofabeds where the air conditioning has a tough time keeping with the heat being generated.
And this was before the lights went down at two
Then comes 2am when, to mollify the boys in brown, nearly every light in the place is turned off. Pro tip: If you’re there for a girl, get her before the lights go off.
8. Rawhide (Soi Cowboy)
Rawhide offers both saucy shows, featuring bits of full nudity, plus some mildly attractive dancers who, for a lady drink, are more than happy to remove their clothing as well. Dark seating and an encouraging mamasan can make for an “interesting” visit.
9. Dollhouse (Soi Cowboy)
The only other bar to offer nearly as much full nudity as Crazy House, Dollhouse is stacked with ample girls on a downstairs stage and some close-up entertainment upstairs, as the ladies wiggle their bits on tables just a few inches over your beer.
If you want the naughtiest and dirtiest shows in all of Bangkok, Dollshouse are part of the Nanapong Dance Contests that I’ve spoken about numerous times here on the site and another is coming up very soon – Saturday 10th October.
10. Sexy Night (Nana Plaza)
Sexy Night, Nana’s only remaining heterosexual “old school” bar has a stage behind the bar and a a lineup that on some nights wouldn’t look out of place in a police station.
But what the women lack in youth and looks is made up for in spirit and, properly motivated with lady drinks, offer more hands-on fun than any of the plaza’s glitzier theme bars will offer.