This list is me taking a general pot shot at no bar or area in particular rather it’s a rundown of the annoying things you can encounter on a tour of Bangkok’s chrome pole palaces that can easily spoil the fun and put a dampener on your night out.
Generally I don’t come across many of the problems listed below in my usual haunts but I always try to stick my head in places I don’t visit often to see what’s what and this is usually when the things I hate about go-go bars raise their ugly head.
#1 Unfriendly Doormen
Far too many of these guys studied at the school of no smiles or manners which for me is no use. They are the first faces many see as they enter a bar and a dour faced doorman who looks like he’s ready to rumble at any opportunity is not a welcoming sight.
It’s time to have those burly bouncers turn those frowns upside down.
#2 Car Alarm Techno
After making your way past the bouncer who looks like he is chewing a wasp and head through the curtain the last thing I want to hear is that Thai car alarm techno crap so many bars insist on playing.
I’ve been here before and I’m not going to go on like a broken record, pardon the pun, but the sooner bar owners realise they should be catering to their customers and not the moody maidens on stage the better.
#3 Sour Faced Staff
With the earplugs in place to drown out that drivel the “DJ” is knocking out and a seat has been found what we should see next is a smiling service chick to take the drinks order.
What you don’t want to be looking at is a scowling face that is desperate to get back to her phone or food which is far too often the case.
#4 Bad Service
Two beers and two vodka mixers is something a three year old could memorise but for some wait staff a simple 4 drink order is the stuff of scientists. Notepads and pens don’t seem to have made it into the bar world yet despite being sold for pennies at every 7-Eleven.
And when the beer does arrive it should be cold. ICE COLD. Not something hot enough to poach an egg with.
#5 Watching The Skytrain Shuffle
Go-Go Bar. Stage. Lights. Music. Girls. Sexy Outfits. Dancing.
It should be captivating, right? Of course it should but sadly what you often get is the Skytrain Shuffle.
Girl holds pole, moves just one leg by bending it at the knee and every minute or so you might get lucky and she will move her foot four inches from side to side.
Seriously, you can see more action on the BTS when it hits a bend or brakes a bit too hard than this excuse for dancing.
#6 Ladyboys In The Lineup
Another one I’ve covered here before that I’m not going to bore you with again and one I’m still waiting for an answer to.
I know, it will never come but I live in hope that one day someone, somewhere will explain the thinking behind this crazy concept.
#7 Mooching Mamasans
These big old boilers hover around trying to milk that money tit for lady drinks annoyingly asking you to buy another within 30 seconds of your girls glass being emptied while at the same time trying to snare one for themselves.
Sorry love, that’s just not gonna happen unless you are chatty, friendly and doing something to make my night better but bugging me for booze is most definitely not going to do that so take you big ole ass elsewhere and give me peace.
#8 Daft Drink Rules
Two drinks for this, three drinks for that… be it for a dancer to join you during her routine or how many lady drinks you need to buy before you can even barfine her.
Some bar owners are just as bad as the girls seeing customers as nothing more than walking ATMs.
#9 Crazy Barfine Prices
This has come up more and more of late as the number of bars increasing their base barfine rate spreads like a disease with 1,200 becoming an all too common starting price for a regular go-go dancer.
For me a 1,200 baht barfine is a physiological thing. It just sounds greedy. Ask for 900 baht and I wouldn’t bat an eye.
The 1k mark is a threshold many are not willing to cross and if bars want to keep losing loot to Line hookups that is their choice, not mine but that’s exactly what’s happening as guys are often giving the girl a little extra for some afternoon action before she gets to work meaning the bar loses out in more ways than one.
#10 No Tip Tantrums
So you’ve spent a couple of thousand baht, bought a few drinks and it’s time to be on your way as you’re not handing over 1,200 baht to barfine what could potentially be a starfish.
Then out of nowhere hands start pulling on bra tops and arms stretched out with requests for tips rolling off the lips of the little lady you’ve just bought a couple drinks for, her pal who couldn’t even crack a smile and the sulking service chick who got your order wrong.
9 times out of 10 it’s a case of dream on ladies, you’ve had your fair share of my hard earned and calling me a cheap prick in Thai just goes in one ear and out the other. If they hadn’t been so greedy I’d probably have given them a little bit of something if I’d had a good time.
See you when you see me… and off I go.
Have you got something else to add to the list that you hate about go-go bars?
I’m certain the non-smokers would have puffing punters in their top 10 somewhere or the naughty boys who enjoy bars that flash some flesh cursing the coyotes in their short shorts and vest tops.
Shoot me an email and let me know – email@example.com
My Week Off Was A Washout
I turned 50 last Monday and the plan was to work all day then, later on, celebrate with my missus and a couple of close friends before taking a few days off to relax and do something other than sit in front of the computer all day and night.
This plan was carved out on Friday night and Saturday morning.
All weekend I had my head down putting together a skeleton schedule on social media for my planned time off to keep things ticking over, just at a trickle.
Then on Sunday evening, the entire plan fell apart in one small but sudden movement.
I did my back in and the pain was excruciating.
Despite feeling like I was getting tasered every time I moved I cracked on with the social scheduling on Monday and went out as planned.
By Wednesday I could hardly move. I tried walking, laying down, heat pads, a massage thingy for your back… no dice.
A few packets of pills from the doc started to ease the pain but coughing or sneezing left me on the verge of passing out in pain.
Over the weekend with lots of pills and laying flat out on bed relieved things somewhat but what a wasted week.
I did nothing and went nowhere.
So here I am, back at my desk having had the longest period of time off since November 2019 when I flew back to Scotland for a few days and no better off.
One word sums up my week off – washout.
No Twitter, No Problem
Facebook is the dominant social media network with far more users than the likes of Twitter but with more users comes more rules and for Stickboy that has been an ongoing problem for the past 7 years.
In February 2020 Zuckerberg & Co pulled the plug on the original Stickboy Bangkok Facebook page that had gained 60,000 followers.
25,000 photos, 1000’s of videos and endless hours of work gone in the click of a moderators mouse – well, it is their site and their rules which I tried hard to follow but it was impossible with the haters and keyboard warriors reporting all the posts and AI technology used by Facebook incorrectly marking content as offensive.
This has made the new Stickboy BKK FB page rather dull and boring plus it isn’t as easy to share others content on the platform like it is over on Twitter where they are far more relaxed with their rules of what is and isn’t acceptable to post.
The problem is a lot of people aren’t interested in Twitter or just don’t get it so followers of Stickboy end up missing out on some great content and conversations shared on that platform that just isn’t suitable for Facebook.
As a way to give readers choices, I have published a page here on stickboybkk.com that lets you see my Twitter feed without the need to download the app and sign up for an account.
I have also done the same for the Stickboy Babes Twitter account that doesn’t exist on Facebook as the risk and chances of getting banned are far too high.
So there’s no need to miss out on any great content being shared somewhere you aren’t interested in or signed up for.
No account needed, read right here on the Stickboy website
FROM THE ARCHIVES: 5 Things Expats Love To Boast About
Bangkok is bullshit central as far as I’m concerned – it always has been and it always will be. It matters not where you work or socialise, your fellow expats in vast numbers tend to talk utter crap, usually about themselves.
There’s no stopping them and what I’ve listed below are only a handful of the things expats like to boast and brag about with 99.99% of it nothing more than a figment of their imagination.
If you are here in Thailand legally what difference does it make what visa anyone else is on?
Well, to some a great deal as it happens and anyone on anything they deem a “lower status” option than theirs shall be looked upon and treated like shit on their shoe.
Yet, many claiming to have their house in order are the ones disappearing over the border every three months… because they just love Cambodia so much.
Who They Know
Name dropping knobheads are everywhere and there’s no escaping them.
Do you know such and such? I bumped into blah blah the other day. Yeah I’m pals with the owner of XYZ.
My answer in these situations is always, “Nah, sorry I don’t know many people here” and to be fair, that’s a true statement. I don’t know many people here.
The chances of me knowing some guy who put on a show in an unknown venue located down a sub soi in the arse-end of Sukhumvit Road are about slight to none much the same as me knowing the owner of XYZ.
But they are super well known in Bangkok… well, I live under a rock with a tiny population and that’s just how I like it but good for you on having such a well-known and well-connected network.
They will talk to fellow expats in Thai and then pull a face when you don’t respond – we are both native English speakers you fud so what’s with the Thai?
Then we have those who “think” they can speak the lingo when at best they can tell the taxi driver left and right on the way home but that doesn’t stop them making a complete fool of themselves with their gibberish.
So you can speak some Thai, good on ya, but you aren’t alone, there are plenty of foreigners here who have put in the effort to learn the language but there’s a time and a place but chit-chatting to me in Thai isn’t one of them.
Wife / Girlfriend
Her heritage and social standing will be mentioned in the first breath of manure coming out their mouth about her being Thai-Chinese, or is it the other way around?
You will quickly be informed of how she is the only child of a super-wealthy hi-so family who owns half of Thonglor.
In their head this makes them believe they are superior to anyone foolish enough to date an Isaan native.
And what usually makes this funnier is they aren’t dating some super-rich chick at all but some wannabe WAG.
But why spoil the fun by pointing out the obvious? Let them carry on with their foolish fantasy.
Their Latest Money Making Idea
And the most important part of the title is “idea” because 99.999% of these dreamers who harp on about the millions they are going to make with their amazing money maker never ever get around to putting their big plans into action.
They spend all day, and night, talking and do absolutely nothing.
And it’s funny how they always need a “partner” to get it off the ground.
Right, Stick is outta here before we get to how long they have lived here, the millions they are earning a month, how much champagne they drink, the fantastic job they have, how successful they were back in farrangland… and please don’t let me ever meet another special forces guy.