Backpackers… I’ll Give You Bloody Backpackers

drunk ksr

Would you look at this dickhead… even just looking at the photo I get worked up and want to rattle his jaw. It wouldn’t achieve anything other than making me feel better until I seen the next douchebag and I’d also be about 3k lighter making the situation “disappear”. Still…

I don’t know what it is about these muppets that annoy me so much. The fact they are cheap bastards? Dirty? Loud? Crass? Disrespectful? Mouthy? Overbearing? Rude? I’ll stop as I know you get the point and I could go on all day with the list.

Backpackers – all of them – get on my tits and just bug the life out of me.

I’d say I was a friendly guy but sometimes I just can’t be bothered hearing the same old crap from the guys I call “Davie from Doncaster”. Davie can be from anywhere in the world but after 48 hours in the country for the first time he’s got it ALL figured out. Fill yer boots mate, have fun, tell Noi I’ll call her next week to go for a piss up when you’re just fastening your seatbelt on the plane to head home.

It’s easy to deal with these guys. Check bin and go elsewhere or just pretend I don’t speak English. They soon find another new best mate to bore the crap out of.

If the Davie’s of the world do my head in you can only guess what these wannabe hippy twats do to my blood pressure.

backpackers ksr

They’ve seen it all, done it all, heard it all, know it all. Truth is they’ve seen and done fuck all. They know even less than that but is that gonna stop them opening their stupid mouths as they stand half pissed outside Starbucks on KSR bragging to any Tom, Dick and Harry who’ll listen to their bullshit how they’ve experienced the real Thailand and met so many awesome people? Hell no.

I’ve never done the backpacker “year out” bullshit. I was too busy working for that. My mother didn’t have a pot to piss in, so her funding me to swan round the world acting like a dick was out too. When I did go on holiday when I was younger I had a wallet full of cash so I didn’t need to check my change every morning to see if I had enough for food and / or beer.

How the hell can you have a good time scrimping and scraping every day for months on end? Where is the fun in that? A few weeks back I stood on KSR watching a group of five or six Aussies and Brits debating the price of a pack of cigs. They stood in front of the street vendor for almost ten minutes arguing which pack to buy and how they were going to divide them. WTF? You can buy a pack of Wonder for 40b. If you can’t afford a box of smokes it’s time to head home and get a fucking job – and take a shower.

And what is it with growing a beard and sporting a Fedora? Oh, and lets not forget the tacky necklace and wristbands. And those fishermans pants. You look so kooooooooooooooool dude. Not. You look like a total dick. Yeah, your nobhead mates back home might be impressed but that’s only because they’re too thick to know better.

backpackers in thailand

And all that shagging you’ve been doing. Damn I’m impressed. And you’ve not paid for sex once. I know, I know, the 2,000 baht you gave that wee chubby Thai bird was just to help her out as she lost her purse and she needed to pay her rent that day or she’d get thrown out on the street by her landlord. You really are a generous big stud.

And another thing. They get on the BTS or ARL with fuck off sized backpacks knocking out anyone within a five foot radius as they piss about with maps, try to look out the windows and generally being ignorant c**ts.

Time up here as the bad language is now reaching industrial levels.

In the style of Jim Royale… Backpackers… I’ll Give You Bloody Backpackers

The Bangkok Breakfast Show With Stickboy