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Opinion

Barfines Gone Bonkers

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The cost of a night out in any one of Bangkok’s naughty nightlife areas comprising of a few drinks and a roll in the hay has come up in conversation more and more of late as the number of bars increasing their base barfine rate spreads like a disease meaning punters are having to dig deeper and deeper.

Not so long ago 700 baht was pretty much the norm for barfines in most of the capitals go-go bars except for those playing that coyote card demanding premium prices for something they seemed to think was special.

Of course, there are exceptions like The 5,000 Baht Barfine Has Landed from back in 2015 when things really got silly.

The bar business has changed somewhat in the past two or three years with many now using the services of agencies to boost the number of dancing dollybirds taking to the stage of a night.

From what I see, a lot of bars insist on classing those agency girls as coyotes. I don’t see it that way myself. I see that as a distortion of the truth and what I’d class as a coyote now is not the same as a couple of years back and is just a lame excuse, in my opinion, to charge funny money for barfines.

As soon as the price of a barfine hits four figures me and many others are then left in doubt about the whole deal because it just feels like a ripoff.

Ask for 900 baht and I wouldn’t baht an eyelid but 1,200 baht? That in my book is just taking the piss and those asking 1,500 or above should be wearing a mask as that is just highway robbery.

Much the same as beer bars asking for anything above 500 or 600 baht for one of their aging “hostesses”. Anything higher than that is a joke.

Barfines Gone Bonkers

So what is a quietish night out going cost you?

A warm-up drink in a beer bar is gonna set you back 300 baht for two beers if you leave the coins in the wallet as a tip.

Into a go-go bar for a bit of eye candy and you indulge in the company of a pretty dancer who fancies a tequila will cost let us say 160 baht for the beer and 190 baht for the lady drink times two rounds comes to 700 baht.

Now you decide she is the new love of your life and it’s time to take her for a test drive before popping the question. You negotiate some short time shenanigans for 2,500 baht.

Now for the barfine. 1,200 baht is the fee demanded.

So far we are up to 4,700 baht and there’s still the short time room, condoms and maybe a beer to shell out for.

All in all, you’ll be lucky to have change out of 6,000 baht for four or five beers and a bit of nookie and that was me low balling the prices of drinks, tips plus the fee for your future ex-wife.

Not cheap by any means considering you can skip the pre-nookie drinks, barfine, and all the other bullshit by heading to a Soi 24 massage shop and pay around 2,000-3,000 baht max for a couple of hours fun leaving you 3k in your hip to go for a few ales.

CHEERS

The question is, are bar owners shooting themselves in the foot with their prices?

The answer is, yes they are.

“Business is down”, “We had a quiet night”, “It’s getting worse” are just a few complaints you will here within an hour or two of visiting a handful of beer bars and chrome pole palaces around town.

It is a different world out there compared to just five years ago but many owners and managers seem stuck in a time warp and chose instead to blame the economy, exchange rates, the government, the lack of tourists and dozens of other lame excuses why business isn’t what it once was.

Sure the exchange rate sucks but that didn’t stop 987,456 Brits coming to Thailand in 2018. Now granted, the demographics of those visitors has changed compared to years gone by but they want to see Cowboy and Nana and Patpong so give them something to see. Make those six Brit birds in your bar feel welcome. People having a good time spend money.

Of course, that would take a bit of thinking, being creative and what not but they are too focused on the negatives telling you rents are up, bills need to be paid, girls are more expensive to hire mixed with tourist numbers are down, the smog, visa rules… Zzzz.

Old Stick isn’t buying it and you only have to ask yourself why are bars X, Y and Z packing them in most nights?

Stickboy aka Sticky Boy aka Mike McKay aka Mike McKwai, Wild Mike, Magic Mike, Mr Mike, and a fair few more best forgotten, is a party animal with hollow legs who loves music, current affairs, beer, food, causing trouble on Twitter, and making the most of life without worrying too much about what people think or say about his antics. You can send him stuff here - stickboybkk@gmail.com

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Opinion

Tales From The Front: Sunday Dinner On A Saturday Night

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Stickboy, Fatface, and The Keeper are sat in a British pub on lower Sukhumvit on a Saturday night…

A gathering of the clan earlier in the evening for some birthday beers meant Stickboy’s belly needed filling before meeting back up with everyone who had gone in different directions ahead of the cake cutting ceremony at Lighthouse sometime around 10pm.

Somchai The Dog had popped in for a couple of shandies but was looking like a burst couch and was having none of it ordering takeout before disappearing into the dark Bang Na bound on the BTS.

The other half of the Dangerous Duo, Digiman, wasn’t ready for home just yet but had no interest in food.

The Keeper orders quesadillas while smooth-talking his missus, girlfriend or gik – maybe all three – and wasn’t paying attention to much as Fatface orders Chips & Curry sauce for Stickboy.

sunday roast on a saturday night

The food arrives, everyone digs in, more beer is ordered to wash down the grub as all four eat what’s sat on the table.

The Keeper is still on the phone like an old sweetie wife and starts making space on the table with his free hand when a waitress arrives over his shoulder with another plate of food.

He clears a space in front of Fatface and Stickboy who look at each other thinking that’s an odd place to put a roast dinner they both think The Keeper has ordered for himself.

He ends his call and tucks into the roast pork telling everyone to help themselves which they do.

Chips are in the gravy, potatoes are in the curry sauce and the plate is emptying at a fair pace as four mouths feast on the Sunday dinner.

More than halfway through the food a member of the service staff appears and starts talking to The Keeper with Fatface joining in.

Something is amiss.

“Hey Stickboy, did you order the pork roast?”, enquires The Keeper.

“No mate, I thought you did.”

In his best Shaggy voice, he fires back, “It wasn’t me”.

It turns out some poor bloke sat at the bar was sitting patiently waiting on his dinner the staff had wrongly delivered that the four scavengers had all but demolished each of them thinking someone else at the table fancied a Sunday dinner on a Saturday night.

sunday roast on a saturday night

The four grubbers thought this was hilarious and all just shrugged their shoulders laughing having told the service staff to take it away… until Stickboy’s bin arrived with a Roast Pork Loin at 295 baht on it.

He wasn’t laughing any more.

Had it not been for the fact his mates own the pub he’d likely have upset the waitresses with a few choice words having been billed for something he didn’t order with zero conversation between staff and customer over what was a genuine mistake on the part of everyone involved.

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Opinion

Trump, #Thighland And Dinesh The Dick

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Thighland

I don’t care much for America, its president or politics but when my Twitter timeline is drowning in Trump making a tit of himself by pronouncing Thailand as Thighland then I’m interested.

I’ve no idea what Don was waffling on about when he mentioned Thighland and Vietnam or how chummy he was with their leaders and it’s not that important.

Nor is Trump making a clown of himself anything new from what I recall of him from years back when he faced opposition to his golf course in Scotland, the man is an idiot.

Here’s Scottish radio presenter Robin Galloway pranking him on a call.



Anyway, back to #Thighland…



Okay, he did correct himself straight away but come on, this is the head honcho of Arm-erica. You’d think he could manage to pronounce Thailand properly, yeah?

Well, apparently he did according to some dick called Dinesh who made a complete fool of himself to his 1.2 million Twitter followers and everyone else who pointed out to him that he was wrong.

dinesh 1

Really?

dinesh 2

“Tai-land” is the crude lingo of people who have never been to “Thighland”… including generations of Thais?

Notice how he retweets himself – does he think the more he repeats himself and the more people read it that makes him correct?

Remember, this cockwomble has 1.2 million followers.

dinesh 3

Err, nope.

dinesh 4

dinesh 5

Oh, is Dinesh the dick doing a spot of back peddling here?

dinesh 6

Of course he isn’t

A guy like this could never admit he got it wrong. Even if he was arguing black was white.

Thousands of Thai people replied to his Tweets correcting him and he chose to ignore each and every one of them instead he decided to belittle others who pointed out his mistake.

Finally, here’s the man himself from 2002.


Dinish is now a fully-fledged member of the #TwitterTossers club.

Hat Tip to femalefaust who was behind unearthing Dinesh The Dick pronouncing “Thailand” as “Thailand” and not “#Thighland”.

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Opinion

Easy Does It This Weekend

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Puffed Out

This weekend is a 4-day holiday in Thailand and normally I’d work through it and take some time off afterwards but with things so quiet on all fronts I decided to join the masses and take a couple of days off.

Updates will resume once I have slept myself silly and recharged my batteries.

I don’t plan on doing much of anything or going anywhere so I will still add a few updates on social media to pass the time as they don’t require much brainpower or thinking.

Whatever you are doing, be it the beach or boozing, maybe both, enjoy yourself and have fun.

See you on the other side.

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