Budget Bobby: The 800 Baht B&B Combo

Published on 8th February 2016 by Budget Bobby

Budget Bobby The B and B Combo

As noted last month in my opening remarks, being Budget Bobby is not the same as being Cheap Charlie. Sir Charles wants the lowest-priced option, no matter the sacrifice. Me? I’m all about value for money.

Just like McDonald’s Extra Value Meals, Bangkok and Pattaya’s baht bimbos and houses of disrepute should give me hot buns and something sweet for one low price.

In fact, I’ve found such a deal: the 800-baht “Beer & Blowjob Combo”. While derivations of the BK(K) Combo are available at several Bangkok locations, the original can be only found a chicken nugget’s throw from Soi Cowboy, at Som’s Haven on Sukhumvit Soi 15.

soms haven

Now, truth be told, Som’s Haven is not really that different than any other oral-relief clinic in Bangkok. There’s the usual gaggle of gobblers sitting out front, usually adding to their already substantive waistlines, and shabby rooms upstairs where they’ll consume your Happy Meal with relish.

The key is to start your dine-in experience with a cold San Miguel Light at just 100 baht. Once you’ve made it drinkable with a lime, you and your Hamburglar of choice can adjourn upstairs, where she’ll give your BKK King a scrub, drop some knee padding and get down to noshing. Just watch where you sit, the last guy to enjoy his combo may have left some mayonnaise on the sofa.

With her head in your lap, the beer in your hand now becomes key. Beer constitutes the Extra Value in this meal. Som’s and other pole-polishing pavilions give you 30 minutes to work your magic wand. It would be a waste of the 700-baht admission price to hustle out on your hussy. Use the San Miguel to keep things light.

Also, being as you’re periodically going to concentrate on the hops and barley, instead of hopping on her bare ass, it’s only fair you let your damsel in undress come up for air occasionally. Doing so also has the side benefit of extending your one-course meal.

The last thing you need to know about the 800-baht “Beer & BJ Combo” is that this is a meal best served nude. (Her, not you, unless that’s your thing.)

soms haven map

When I was young, dumb and full of, well, you know, I thought the only thing you stared at places like Som’s, Lolita’s, Lollipop, Kasalong and Dr. BJ’s was the top of your service provider’s head. But then I read on the Pattaya Depraved forum that most of these naughty schoolgirls are willing strip off their unis.

Once that bit of intelligence was gleaned, Budget Bobby wasn’t standing for any more overdressed doxies. It’s bewbs or bust. If you don’t want to play by the rules, you won’t get a second turn at the microphone.

Of course, the problem becomes that once you have your fellatio feline in her birthday suit, you don’t want your tongue depressor only exploring her tonsils. In fact, the B&B Combo comes with a drive-through option. This “upsize” will cost you, however.

At Som’s, this “plus-plus” service charge is listed at 500 baht, which seems fair enough, given how intimately you’re about to get to know your waitress. But it seems that few, if any, of these super stars want to give Carl Jr. a ride without another 500-baht tip. Budget Bobby doesn’t do tips.

I like these fast-food joints because they offer a flat price for a set meal. 700 for my meat patty and 100 for a beverage. Most of the burger flippers will ask for a tip to serve even the basic menu. If the fries were hot and the Coke extra sweet, I’ll give them 100 baht. If my Golden Arches were left a bit limp, she gets nothing.

Sometimes this means your preferred counter girl will suddenly go off shift when you arrive next time, but no matter: There’s always another hungry harlot waiting.

Send your comments, questions or tips to Budget Bobby here: BudgetBobbyTH@gmail.com

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