Budget Bobby: Don’t Take No BS

Published on 21st March 2016 by Budget Bobby

Dont Take No BS

The Japanese guy was sitting alone at a high table behind the sofas ringing the second-floor stage of the most popular Soi Cowboy bar with naughty boys from the Land Of The Rising Sun when the thin, schoolgirl-looking dancer walked up. She refused to get close or even sit down until he answered correctly her first question: “You buy me drink?”

Within seconds, she was gone, only to return minutes later with a clear liquid, presumably tequila, on a little silver tray. Without even sitting that tray on the table, she downed the shot, licked up some salt and lime, then stood there a second.

“OK, I go dance now.” And she was gone.

With a chuckle, I leaned over to the Japanese guy and said, “Now that was value, wasn’t it?”

He immediately check-binned and left.

I just shook my head and laughed. There is no way Budget Bobby would ever put up with that kind of bullshit.

Girls in bars like Baccara, Mandarin and the Rainbows that target Asian customers continually pull that kind of behaviour, knowing they can get away with it. Western men – other than complete newbies or big-dollars/no sense expats – refuse to tolerate that kind of crap. If they’re smart, they know the rules, two of which the Japanese guy broke: “Don’t buy tequila” and “Watch the clock”.

That’s not to say Budget Bobby never gets rolled. I do. But never twice by the same scamming siren. And when a girlie grifter does pull a fast one, she’s going to pay for it, often literally.

bangkok go-go bar

I’ll take mine to go…

I was sitting in a Nana Plaza go-go when a blonde-haired lovely with fair skin, a tiny waist and silicone enhancements that made me forget she had eyeballs slithered over, seeking a lolly water. Having a weakness for pricey plastic parts, I agreed.

We exchanged a few pleasantries and then she said she had to talk to a friend for a moment, but she’d be back. Then she did something I’d never seen before: She picked up her gin and tonic and walked away with it.

I watched as she walked over to a satellite stage and chatted with a dancer on duty there. Then she sat down next to a guy by that stage. She gave him the usual grin and giggle and was quickly rewarded with a new lady drink. Budget Bobby was forgotten … but not for long.

I waved over the mamasan and asked where Tart 222, (or whatever he number was) had gone. She said she didn’t know.

“She’s right over there,” I said, pointing to the slick-tongued strumpet drinking with her next 30-minute boyfriend. “And she took the drink I bought with her.”

Visibly embarrassed, the den mother of dim-witted divas asked if I wanted her to come back.
“No, I just want you to take the drink off my bill.”

I’ve refused to pay for lady drinks to mamasans numerous times in Pattaya with no problem. But in Bangkok I’ve had zero success getting them to void a sale. Instead, she dragged the girl over and had me sort it out with her directly.

The boozy butterfly reappeared with a scowl on her face.

“Where’s your drink?” I asked.

“I drank it already. You buy me new one?”

She must have had a pair of silicone balls implanted as well.

“No darling, you have to pay me for the first one.”

Handing back money to a customer violates the laws of nature in a bargirl’s mind. She’d rather have a bikini wax while getting a tooth pulled. Without aesthetic. So, of course, she refused.

“Fine, I’ll have the mamasan make you pay.”

Faced with few options, none of them good, the cornered Catwoman reached into her ample bra, pulled out two red notes and slammed the 200 baht down on the bar before stalking away.

Her drink was 175 baht. So Budget Bobby got his money back and a tip!. That’s a win-win if I ever heard one.

soi cowboy

Chew on that…

Chrome-pole princesses who don’t hold up their end of “The Bargain” – the agreement that says “I’ll buy you an overpriced, watered-down drink in exchange for a few minutes of conversation and maybe a grope” – is one of Budget Bubby’s top pet peeves.

I was entertaining a buck-naked bimbo in Crazy House one night when she had to depart to go dance. I had watched the clock and knew time was short, but bought the second drink as she seemed as honest as you could hope from an illegal sex worker. I should have known better.

Sure enough, the set ends and she wanders off toward the toilet. Ten minutes passed. Then 20 and she reappeared when the DJ gave the signal it was time for her to dance again. Steam was beginning to seep from under Budget Bobby’s bandana and I sat there, alone, chomping on my gum.

When, at the end of this next set, she got offstage and went over to a guy four seats down from me, leaving the barely touched drink next to me, I threw in the towel, as well as my gum. Right into her drink. I figured I’d tell the next waitress that walked by to take it.

But one never walked by. Then, minutes later, a devilish red lightbulb went on above my head. I picked up the drink and decided to bring it back to her.

“Here, you forgot something,” I said, handing over the drink, interrupting her mid-grope of a wrinkled bloke with an uncanny resemblance to Father Time. My intent was to embarrass her, not get her to come back.

So I was a bit flabbergasted when she did return, drink in hand. I thought I was busted. But she simply said sorry, put the gum-contaminated concoction to her lips and drained the glass. Gum and all. She never noticed that wasn’t an ice cube she had just swallowed.

And, of course, I wasn’t about to say anything. At that point, in my mind, we were even.

* * *

These are just two examples of payback I’ve exacted during the past 10 years. There are plenty more, including the time I marched a drunk dollybird back to Walking Street’s Casanovy to get my barfine refunded.

But the bottom-line here is Don’t Take No BS from any of these sultry shysters. They’ll do just about anything to get your baht – other than their actual job – and it’s your obligation to put them in their place when they cross the line.

Send your comments, questions or tips to Budget Bobby here: BudgetBobbyTH@gmail.com

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