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Budget Bobby: Don’t Take No BS



Dont Take No BS

The Japanese guy was sitting alone at a high table behind the sofas ringing the second-floor stage of the most popular Soi Cowboy bar with naughty boys from the Land Of The Rising Sun when the thin, schoolgirl-looking dancer walked up. She refused to get close or even sit down until he answered correctly her first question: “You buy me drink?”

Within seconds, she was gone, only to return minutes later with a clear liquid, presumably tequila, on a little silver tray. Without even sitting that tray on the table, she downed the shot, licked up some salt and lime, then stood there a second.

“OK, I go dance now.” And she was gone.

With a chuckle, I leaned over to the Japanese guy and said, “Now that was value, wasn’t it?”

He immediately check-binned and left.

I just shook my head and laughed. There is no way Budget Bobby would ever put up with that kind of bullshit.

Girls in bars like Baccara, Mandarin and the Rainbows that target Asian customers continually pull that kind of behaviour, knowing they can get away with it. Western men – other than complete newbies or big-dollars/no sense expats – refuse to tolerate that kind of crap. If they’re smart, they know the rules, two of which the Japanese guy broke: “Don’t buy tequila” and “Watch the clock”.

That’s not to say Budget Bobby never gets rolled. I do. But never twice by the same scamming siren. And when a girlie grifter does pull a fast one, she’s going to pay for it, often literally.

bangkok go-go bar

I’ll take mine to go…

I was sitting in a Nana Plaza go-go when a blonde-haired lovely with fair skin, a tiny waist and silicone enhancements that made me forget she had eyeballs slithered over, seeking a lolly water. Having a weakness for pricey plastic parts, I agreed.

We exchanged a few pleasantries and then she said she had to talk to a friend for a moment, but she’d be back. Then she did something I’d never seen before: She picked up her gin and tonic and walked away with it.

I watched as she walked over to a satellite stage and chatted with a dancer on duty there. Then she sat down next to a guy by that stage. She gave him the usual grin and giggle and was quickly rewarded with a new lady drink. Budget Bobby was forgotten … but not for long.

I waved over the mamasan and asked where Tart 222, (or whatever he number was) had gone. She said she didn’t know.

“She’s right over there,” I said, pointing to the slick-tongued strumpet drinking with her next 30-minute boyfriend. “And she took the drink I bought with her.”

Visibly embarrassed, the den mother of dim-witted divas asked if I wanted her to come back.
“No, I just want you to take the drink off my bill.”

I’ve refused to pay for lady drinks to mamasans numerous times in Pattaya with no problem. But in Bangkok I’ve had zero success getting them to void a sale. Instead, she dragged the girl over and had me sort it out with her directly.

The boozy butterfly reappeared with a scowl on her face.

“Where’s your drink?” I asked.

“I drank it already. You buy me new one?”

She must have had a pair of silicone balls implanted as well.

“No darling, you have to pay me for the first one.”

Handing back money to a customer violates the laws of nature in a bargirl’s mind. She’d rather have a bikini wax while getting a tooth pulled. Without aesthetic. So, of course, she refused.

“Fine, I’ll have the mamasan make you pay.”

Faced with few options, none of them good, the cornered Catwoman reached into her ample bra, pulled out two red notes and slammed the 200 baht down on the bar before stalking away.

Her drink was 175 baht. So Budget Bobby got his money back and a tip!. That’s a win-win if I ever heard one.

soi cowboy

Chew on that…

Chrome-pole princesses who don’t hold up their end of “The Bargain” – the agreement that says “I’ll buy you an overpriced, watered-down drink in exchange for a few minutes of conversation and maybe a grope” – is one of Budget Bubby’s top pet peeves.

I was entertaining a buck-naked bimbo in Crazy House one night when she had to depart to go dance. I had watched the clock and knew time was short, but bought the second drink as she seemed as honest as you could hope from an illegal sex worker. I should have known better.

Sure enough, the set ends and she wanders off toward the toilet. Ten minutes passed. Then 20 and she reappeared when the DJ gave the signal it was time for her to dance again. Steam was beginning to seep from under Budget Bobby’s bandana and I sat there, alone, chomping on my gum.

When, at the end of this next set, she got offstage and went over to a guy four seats down from me, leaving the barely touched drink next to me, I threw in the towel, as well as my gum. Right into her drink. I figured I’d tell the next waitress that walked by to take it.

But one never walked by. Then, minutes later, a devilish red lightbulb went on above my head. I picked up the drink and decided to bring it back to her.

“Here, you forgot something,” I said, handing over the drink, interrupting her mid-grope of a wrinkled bloke with an uncanny resemblance to Father Time. My intent was to embarrass her, not get her to come back.

So I was a bit flabbergasted when she did return, drink in hand. I thought I was busted. But she simply said sorry, put the gum-contaminated concoction to her lips and drained the glass. Gum and all. She never noticed that wasn’t an ice cube she had just swallowed.

And, of course, I wasn’t about to say anything. At that point, in my mind, we were even.

* * *

These are just two examples of payback I’ve exacted during the past 10 years. There are plenty more, including the time I marched a drunk dollybird back to Walking Street’s Casanovy to get my barfine refunded.

But the bottom-line here is Don’t Take No BS from any of these sultry shysters. They’ll do just about anything to get your baht – other than their actual job – and it’s your obligation to put them in their place when they cross the line.

Send your comments, questions or tips to Budget Bobby here:

Budget Bobby is tighter than a duck's arse and is your #1 resource for saving cash whilst out whoring and touring

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The Countdown Is On And Time Is Running Out Fast For Some



The Countdown Is On And Time Is Running Out Fast For Some

The visa amnesty in Thailand ends this weekend and the clock is ticking for tens of thousands who still don’t know what to do, can’t get an extension, can’t leave and return to activate another 90 days on their multiple entry visas and of course, those that claim they are “stuck” here when in fact they just don’t want to return home.

Those claiming they are stuck deserve no sympathy. Nobody is “stuck” anywhere.

Six months have past and many have enjoyed an extra half year in Thailand without worrying about their visa situation. I’ve read hundreds of stories over the past few months from people with far fetched tales that have more holes in them than an 18-hole golf course.

The bottom line is some people love it here and don’t want to leave but they can’t get a visa as they don’t have a job, don’t have a wife or mostly, don’t have the cash to support a visa application that requires money in the bank.

Agents having made a mint charging in the region of 55-70,000 baht for Volunteer visas. Others are cooking the (bank) books for those seeking a retirement visa and coining it in charging inflated fees knowing people are desperate to stay.

On the other hand, many who were here legally before the COVID carry on kicked in are in a difficult position.

Married men and woman who have a Non-O multiple entry visa spring to mind.

Those using this method of living in Thailand long term arrive with a shiny new visa sticker in their passport and get a 90-day stamp upon arrival at the airport.

Just before the 90 days is up they have 2 choices:

– do a border hop and get another 90 days when they come back into the country
– go to immigration and get a 60-day extension for 1900 baht.

With the country closed to international travellers, those border hops just aren’t possible and some have found during the past six months their visas have expired leaving them unable to pop over to Savannakhet where they could apply for a new one.

Those still with time left on their visa are now in a jam too as they can’t exit and re-enter.

For reasons unknown, the government nor immigration have addressed or come up with a solution for those in this situation.

So come Saturday 26 September, they are left with no choice but to either leave or stay and face prosecution and blacklisting from Thailand if they are caught.

Some have been given an extra 60 days for visiting family that sees them through until late November, but what then if the borders are still shut?

And that’s me just talking about people living here on a multiple entry marriage visas.

There are thousands of other stories and situations that will see people forced to leave or ignore the warnings of being fined and blacklisted who choose to remain and take their chances until borders reopen allowing them to do what is needed to live here legally.

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Fantasy Footbun




Fantasy Footbun

With the 2020 / 2021 football season about to start, it is time to test your footy knowledge and compete against the best of the best of Thailand Twitter’s Wannabe Football Managers.

With the first Gameweek closing on 12th September at 5pm (Thai time) there’s still some time to turn off Pornhub, clean yourself up and sign up for the league. And for god’s sake put some clothes on. (League code: q93lfx).

Let us kick things off with a look at the (currently) 23 teams competing in the Thai Twitter League.

We have two accounts new to Fantasy Premier League, Johan B’s ‘Digiman’ and Anthony M’s ‘Siam Swoon’. Time will tell if they pick up the rules quick enough to enjoy the game and do not lose interest by Christmas and languish at the bottom with a team full of injuries and nobodies.

At the other end of the table, the three teams with the highest score in the 2019-2020 season were:

1. 2313 : Cain in the Kok – Paul C

2. 2283 : Lockdown City – Alec P

3. 2281 : One Man Clapping – Nick W

Three managers looking to improve on last year’s total are Expat Asia’s ‘Sukhumvit FC’, Tim P’s ‘Maximum20characters’ and Johan J’s ‘FarangPilot FC’ that finished with 1729, 1920 and 1913 points respectively.

There is still time to join! Log in via the Premier League app or on the website and use this code to sign up for the Thailand Twitter League. League code: q93lfx

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Tales From The Front: Sunday Dinner On A Saturday Night



Stickboy, Fatface, and The Keeper are sat in a British pub on lower Sukhumvit on a Saturday night…

A gathering of the clan earlier in the evening for some birthday beers meant Stickboy’s belly needed filling before meeting back up with everyone who had gone in different directions ahead of the cake cutting ceremony at Lighthouse sometime around 10pm.

Somchai The Dog had popped in for a couple of shandies but was looking like a burst couch and was having none of it ordering takeout before disappearing into the dark Bang Na bound on the BTS.

The other half of the Dangerous Duo, Digiman, wasn’t ready for home just yet but had no interest in food.

The Keeper orders quesadillas while smooth-talking his missus, girlfriend or gik – maybe all three – and wasn’t paying attention to much as Fatface orders Chips & Curry sauce for Stickboy.

sunday roast on a saturday night

The food arrives, everyone digs in, more beer is ordered to wash down the grub as all four eat what’s sat on the table.

The Keeper is still on the phone like an old sweetie wife and starts making space on the table with his free hand when a waitress arrives over his shoulder with another plate of food.

He clears a space in front of Fatface and Stickboy who look at each other thinking that’s an odd place to put a roast dinner they both think The Keeper has ordered for himself.

He ends his call and tucks into the roast pork telling everyone to help themselves which they do.

Chips are in the gravy, potatoes are in the curry sauce and the plate is emptying at a fair pace as four mouths feast on the Sunday dinner.

More than halfway through the food a member of the service staff appears and starts talking to The Keeper with Fatface joining in.

Something is amiss.

“Hey Stickboy, did you order the pork roast?”, enquires The Keeper.

“No mate, I thought you did.”

In his best Shaggy voice, he fires back, “It wasn’t me”.

It turns out some poor bloke sat at the bar was sitting patiently waiting on his dinner the staff had wrongly delivered that the four scavengers had all but demolished each of them thinking someone else at the table fancied a Sunday dinner on a Saturday night.

sunday roast on a saturday night

The four grubbers thought this was hilarious and all just shrugged their shoulders laughing having told the service staff to take it away… until Stickboy’s bin arrived with a Roast Pork Loin at 295 baht on it.

He wasn’t laughing any more.

Had it not been for the fact his mates own the pub he’d likely have upset the waitresses with a few choice words having been billed for something he didn’t order with zero conversation between staff and customer over what was a genuine mistake on the part of everyone involved.

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