Budget Bobby: Go-Go Goodness For Less

Published on 22nd February 2016 by Budget Bobby

Budget Bobby Go-Go Goodness For Less

So I’ve given you the proverbial heads-up on Patpong’s old-school upstairs bar and Asok’s “Beer & Blowjob Combo”, but you came here thinking Budget Bobby was going to dish on how to grab you some Thai go-go girl goodness at a bargain price.

Fair enough, but I did warn you that sacrifices would be required. So if you’re willing to martyr your body (and scruples and possibly even your morals) in the name of pennywise poontang, then read on.

In general, cheap, or should we say “inexpensive”, princesses of the polished pole don’t come fresh off the bus from Issan, unless they’ve been on that same coach roundtrip a few times. But face it, if you’re like the majority of folks grasping to Stickboy’s pages of femme fatale fantasies, you aren’t that young any more, and probably not all that thin either. Except for maybe your hair.

Take a look around your own glass house before throwing rocks at mine.

Now we’re not talking aunties or grandmothers here. Your wrinkly ass will still get serviced by a professional in her mid-30s with an outside chance of pulling a tart with truth issues claiming to be 27. Sure, there are a couple of age-40 horrors that will want you into tickling their fancy, but even Budget Bobby draws a line somewhere.

Basically, they’re MILFs. Or, for the young punks, cougars.

So where do you find these acronymed Aphrodites happy to get down and dirty for dirt cheap? In some cases, literally next door to the neon-lit lairs of 5,000-baht coyotes who will allow you give them a nice backrub before proclaiming time’s up.

It’s the four Soi Cowboy bars owned by the same old school American chap: Moonshine Joint, Jungle Jim’s, Fanny’s and Toy Bar.

toy bar

These single shophouses are throwbacks to the “old” Cowboy, with their long-wooden bars and a stage just big enough for two dancers. There are blinky lights, girls in tiny skirts and two chrome poles, so technically they count as go-go bars. But that’s where the similarities with modern go-gos end.

These bars score highly on the Budget Bobby scorecard for several reasons. For one, they allow you to follow Rule No. 1: If there’s a draft beer option, take it.

There is, in fact, only one beer tap, dispensing Chang draft, located at Jungle Jim’s. I was heartbroken last year when the owner pulled it out, but much relieved when it returned, even though he raised the price from 75 to 85 baht for a half-pint. Those 10-baht coins add up.

The nice thing about the three bars, however, is that if you’re in Moonshine or Fanny’s, you can order a draft and the service girl will run over to JJ’s to get it. Granted, doing that at Fanny’s gets you some grief. And don’t even think of trying it at Toy Bar, at the other end of Cowboy.

The MJJFT bars look similar, but I do have a preference, with Moonshine ranking first, followed by Jim’s, Toy and Fanny’s. And the fun factor in all has declined since the arrival of young, attractive and expensive agency coyotes who, by owner dictate, can be touched, but cannot touch you.

moonshine joint

At 200 baht a lady drink and 3,000 baht for a barfine, touching them is the last thing on my mind. All I want to do is wave them off as fast as possible.

No, at Moonshine and its ilk, the targets are the vice-worn vixens in skirts. Their drinks are 100 baht – although you need to beware the “whiskey and coke” double dip – and barfines 500 baht. Short-times are readily accepted at 1,000 baht. But, as per Rule No. 5, women admitting to being 33 better be ready to ride the express all night for that price.

The opportunity for bedpost gymnastics isn’t the main draw of the MJJFT bars: it’s what happens in their dark corners that keeps guys, well, coming back,

The skirted sirens here have become experts in the one-handed zipper pull. Most have seen more knobs than a locksmith and use loose fitting robes to keep your one-eyed monster from being spotted by two-eyed gawkers.

The rack rate for a rub ‘n’ tug here is 500 baht. But, in reality, the ladies’ insistence on that price is nowhere near as firm as you’ll be by the time they’re quoting you the cost. In fact, I’ve never paid it.

Thrice this young year, I’ve rolled an empty wheelbarrow out of Moonshine for a total cost of around 600 baht or less, and that includes two or three lady drinks, one or two beers for me, plus a small tip for removing the contents of said wheelbarrow.

I’ve never had a single complaint. And they line up again for more when I return.

The fact is, if you get to know these hand-wringing harlots and have some fun with them, buy them some drinks over time and maybe even roll one or two in the hay, you’ll have an easy time getting quick relief for less in the future.

And isn’t having fun the whole point of it all?

Send your comments, questions or tips to Budget Bobby here: BudgetBobbyTH@gmail.com

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