Budget Bobby: Mr World Bar

Published on 25th January 2016 by Budget Bobby

mr world bar patpong

Now that we have The Rules out of the way, it’s time to get down to business: Where do you go when you want some action, but refuse to pay the ridiculous rates being demanded for booze and birds in Bangkok and Pattaya?

You might ask, however, what defines “ridiculous.” As mentioned before, maybe I’ve simply been here too long. I recall paying 500 baht for a long-time love affair in Bangkok (admittedly, it was 1995), 500 baht for a short-time tango on Pattaya’s Soi 6 (more recently than 1995), and 500 baht for an oral examination at a certain institution of academic scholarship on Soi Cowboy.

Now, I’ll concede that 500 long-time (US$21 at the time) is an unobtainable goal these days, but 1,000 baht ($28 at today’s exchange rate) long-time, should be – and actually is – still possible (albeit, with some sacrifices). My top “acceptable” rate now is 2,000, but she’s better be young, thin and a pornstar in bed. Those asking 3,000 and up? They can shuffle their butts back to the chrome pole after knocking back the last drink they’ll ever get from me.

Ridiculousness also extends to barfines. Why would I want to pay some Mope from Manchester 1,000 baht when I could just as easily give it to the girl?

In truth, I rarely pay barfines at all these days, instead opting to grab her digits or Line ID and set up an afternoon interlude or make a late-night booty call when the bar closes.

For years, the Happy and Peppermint go-gos in Pattaya charged 500-600 baht for barfines. Those I still consider fiar rates. (They’re 800 today.) I confess I have paid 1,000-baht fines for a particular showdoll at one lively Pattaya chrome pole palace, but only for the first couple of our horizontal tango lessons.

The neon-fronted coyote clip joints on Soi Cowboy (up to 5,000 baht) will never see a satang of my money and the agency floozies at Moonshine/Jungle Jim’s/Toy/Fannies/Afterskool (MJTFA) get a dismissive hand wave instead of a drink.

And, while we’re on the subject of lady drinks, what is a fair price for that 4-baht’s worth of Coke or that tequila shot you’re not buying them? In the MJTFA bars, a normal lady drink is 100 baht. A rare deal in this day and age. Just make sure you tell her one drink at a time.

My rule of thumb is that LDs should cost around the same or less than my drink. At Crazy House, a San Miguel Light is 160. So is her Sangsoem Coke. Expensive, but acceptable, given the many opportunities I get there to work towards my degrees in human anatomy and gynaecology.

At the above-mentioned clip joints better known as Spice Girls, Kiss, Déjà Vu, Midnite, etc. – drinks are 250 baht. Just one more reason I’m never setting foot in there.

So Where To Go?

world bar patpong

As should be obvious, I’m a big fan of the MJTFA bars, or really any of the hands-on joints on Stickboy Bangkok’s list of Bangkok’s Dirtiest Go-Go Bars. But Budget Bobby’s No. 1, go-to choice for cheap drinks and even cheaper women isn’t on that list; it isn’t even a go-go. It’s the Mr World Bar on Patpong Soi 2.

Mr World, also called “Linda’s Place” – although Linda long ago eloped with some overpaying sucker – is an upstairs bar in Patpong, but not the kind that sets off alarm bells. It’s very “old school” in much the way some of the older bars on Pattaya’s Soi 6 are “old school”. There’s a single wooden bar, sofa seating along the opposite wall, tacky Christmas lights for illumination and a playlist featuring slow Eagles, Scorpions and Bryan Adams songs.

There also are a few women (not girls). Rumour has it there are some under age 25, but they must be extremely thin, because I’ve never seen them. Yet what these ladies lack in age – and some might argue looks – is enthusiasm for their work and impeccable fashion sense: You buy them a 150-baht drink and their clothes start falling off.

world bar patpong

In fact, they’re such eager beavers, working hours don’t seem to matter. Mr. World technically closes at 1am, but you can knock on the door at 2am and they’ll stow bed rolls, turn on the AC and tacky lights, and fire up “Hotel California”.

Once their clothes start coming off, it’s a good bet yours will too. The barkeep will lock the front door, flies will get unzipped, boxers pulled down and these ageing pop tarts will sing some karaoke with your microphone right at the bar, or on a sofa if you prefer. Groups of three or four mates have been known to carry on political debates, each with a maiden checking for floor lint in front of their barstool podiums.

The rate for a “known” customer – and it only takes one visit to become known – is 700 to whet her whistle. If you want to try out one of those roll-up floor mats in a curtained area in the back – or simply have her hop on board for a ride on the sofa – an even 1,000 baht will be required.

For the 300 baht difference, Budget Bobby doesn’t see much value in going only half-way.

Send your comments, questions or tips to Budget Bobby here: BudgetBobbyTH@gmail.com

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