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Budget Bobby: Mr World Bar

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mr world bar patpong

Now that we have The Rules out of the way, it’s time to get down to business: Where do you go when you want some action, but refuse to pay the ridiculous rates being demanded for booze and birds in Bangkok and Pattaya?

You might ask, however, what defines “ridiculous.” As mentioned before, maybe I’ve simply been here too long. I recall paying 500 baht for a long-time love affair in Bangkok (admittedly, it was 1995), 500 baht for a short-time tango on Pattaya’s Soi 6 (more recently than 1995), and 500 baht for an oral examination at a certain institution of academic scholarship on Soi Cowboy.

Now, I’ll concede that 500 long-time (US$21 at the time) is an unobtainable goal these days, but 1,000 baht ($28 at today’s exchange rate) long-time, should be – and actually is – still possible (albeit, with some sacrifices). My top “acceptable” rate now is 2,000, but she’s better be young, thin and a pornstar in bed. Those asking 3,000 and up? They can shuffle their butts back to the chrome pole after knocking back the last drink they’ll ever get from me.

Ridiculousness also extends to barfines. Why would I want to pay some Mope from Manchester 1,000 baht when I could just as easily give it to the girl?

In truth, I rarely pay barfines at all these days, instead opting to grab her digits or Line ID and set up an afternoon interlude or make a late-night booty call when the bar closes.

For years, the Happy and Peppermint go-gos in Pattaya charged 500-600 baht for barfines. Those I still consider fiar rates. (They’re 800 today.) I confess I have paid 1,000-baht fines for a particular showdoll at one lively Pattaya chrome pole palace, but only for the first couple of our horizontal tango lessons.

The neon-fronted coyote clip joints on Soi Cowboy (up to 5,000 baht) will never see a satang of my money and the agency floozies at Moonshine/Jungle Jim’s/Toy/Fannies/Afterskool (MJTFA) get a dismissive hand wave instead of a drink.

And, while we’re on the subject of lady drinks, what is a fair price for that 4-baht’s worth of Coke or that tequila shot you’re not buying them? In the MJTFA bars, a normal lady drink is 100 baht. A rare deal in this day and age. Just make sure you tell her one drink at a time.

My rule of thumb is that LDs should cost around the same or less than my drink. At Crazy House, a San Miguel Light is 160. So is her Sangsoem Coke. Expensive, but acceptable, given the many opportunities I get there to work towards my degrees in human anatomy and gynaecology.

At the above-mentioned clip joints better known as Spice Girls, Kiss, Déjà Vu, Midnite, etc. – drinks are 250 baht. Just one more reason I’m never setting foot in there.

So Where To Go?

world bar patpong

As should be obvious, I’m a big fan of the MJTFA bars, or really any of the hands-on joints on Stickboy Bangkok’s list of Bangkok’s Dirtiest Go-Go Bars. But Budget Bobby’s No. 1, go-to choice for cheap drinks and even cheaper women isn’t on that list; it isn’t even a go-go. It’s the Mr World Bar on Patpong Soi 2.

Mr World, also called “Linda’s Place” – although Linda long ago eloped with some overpaying sucker – is an upstairs bar in Patpong, but not the kind that sets off alarm bells. It’s very “old school” in much the way some of the older bars on Pattaya’s Soi 6 are “old school”. There’s a single wooden bar, sofa seating along the opposite wall, tacky Christmas lights for illumination and a playlist featuring slow Eagles, Scorpions and Bryan Adams songs.

There also are a few women (not girls). Rumour has it there are some under age 25, but they must be extremely thin, because I’ve never seen them. Yet what these ladies lack in age – and some might argue looks – is enthusiasm for their work and impeccable fashion sense: You buy them a 150-baht drink and their clothes start falling off.

world bar patpong

In fact, they’re such eager beavers, working hours don’t seem to matter. Mr. World technically closes at 1am, but you can knock on the door at 2am and they’ll stow bed rolls, turn on the AC and tacky lights, and fire up “Hotel California”.

Once their clothes start coming off, it’s a good bet yours will too. The barkeep will lock the front door, flies will get unzipped, boxers pulled down and these ageing pop tarts will sing some karaoke with your microphone right at the bar, or on a sofa if you prefer. Groups of three or four mates have been known to carry on political debates, each with a maiden checking for floor lint in front of their barstool podiums.

The rate for a “known” customer – and it only takes one visit to become known – is 700 to whet her whistle. If you want to try out one of those roll-up floor mats in a curtained area in the back – or simply have her hop on board for a ride on the sofa – an even 1,000 baht will be required.

For the 300 baht difference, Budget Bobby doesn’t see much value in going only half-way.

Send your comments, questions or tips to Budget Bobby here: BudgetBobbyTH@gmail.com

Budget Bobby is tighter than a duck's arse and is your #1 resource for saving cash whilst out whoring and touring

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Opinion

A Legit Question

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A Twitter follower has a legit question – What is the point of leaving a seat vacant when other people who are standing on the BTS can literally smell each other’s armpits?

This very topic came up in conversation the other day with me and a few friends who pointed out that everyone on the BTS wore a mask and it couldn’t be compared to sitting in a pub or a restaurant.

As you might expect, I disagreed.

A Legit Question

Sure, while waiting on the train stood on the platform everyone is spaced out 1m apart… most of the time. And yes, everyone is wearing a mask but once inside the carriages during rush hour people are touching each other. Isn’t that the main way this coronavirus spreads?

By comparison, if you were sat in a pub or restaurant you’d be sat apart, no touching, no nothing. Sure, people wouldn’t be wearing masks but with numbers now so low the chances of catching anything has to be very unlikely.

So squashed together wearing masks is safer than being sat apart without one?

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Opinion

EMAIL OF THE DAY: Hey Dickboy

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Hey Dickboy, why aren’t you talking about what’s going on in America right now instead of sharing pictures of ugly women?

hey dickboy

Stick Says: I have no interest in what’s going on in my own country let alone yours.

Keep em coming… your feedback, thoughts and abuse make it all worthwhile.

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Opinion

A #GammonSteakMoment – What The Hell Is That?

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In the most basic terms, a #GammonSteakMoment is a simple and silly event that can occur anywhere at any time that is guaranteed to ruin my whole day and comes from a hilarious conversation over a few beers with J & J who were taking the piss out of old Stick for spitting the dummy at insignificant shite.

It all started out with me ordering a Gammon Steak for my lunch one day that despite telling the waitress twice what I wanted as we confirmed the order the food failed to appear on the table in front of me.

I was bloody starving and my entire day was ruined.

I sat buggering about on my phone while the other half fed her face as often the Thai dish will arrive first. My belly was rumbling and my mouth watering as I sat thinking about my food. I’d not eaten gammon steak with pineapple, a fried egg and chips for about 4 years and this was all I wanted.

Fat face had already licked her plate clean and there was no sign of mine. I even sat there making excuses like the kitchen must be busy.

GammonSteakMoment

“Do you want me to ask the waitress will it be long?”
“Nah, it will be here in two tics”.

Two tics my arse. The gammon steak never made it out the fucking fridge.

Bastards.

The silly service lass couldn’t even get a two meal order right and there were only about six people in the bloody place.

My day was ruined. And no, I’d waited 30 minutes already and I wasn’t waiting for another 30 so don’t even think about suggesting such a sensible idea.

And so, it began.

Now any time something trivial gets on my goat it is referred to as a #GammonSteakMoment and yes, it is always something that doesn’t really matter but for some reason, I let myself get wound up by it.

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