Over the past few years I’ve blown a fuse at least a half dozen times after reading emails from my landlord with complaints from my nutty neighbour and no matter how hard I try not to get annoyed by it, I do.
This nonsense brings out the worst in me, a hot-headed Jock with a short fuse.
The arsehole next door is an aging American who thinks he owns the building simply because he’s lived in his shoebox for 11 years.
Our landlord is weak, bullied and berated by his tenant. Whatever the curtain twitcher next door tells him is taken as a given which is why the place is up for rent so often and most tenants leave within three months.
I’ve been here over three years and counting but every few months it is something else. Smoking, noise, the hours I keep, the plants my wife grows on the balcony, added to a long list of other nonsense.
It all started the very day I moved in, set up my computer and switch it on. I opened the radio which came on loudish which I immediately turned down. In the blink of an eye the paper-thin wall was being hammered with the motormouth Yank screaming to turn it down. I simply moved my desk into another room as I couldn’t be arsed listening to him and didn’t want to cause trouble on my 1st day in my new place.
Within a week I got a call from the landlord telling me off like a schoolboy about smoking outside on the balcony. Apparently I’d given my nutty neighbour a chest infection. Odd, because he’d been coughing up a lung since day one but I went along with it and didn’t smoke outside again.
But apparently I was and when an email came accusing me of such I exploded like a volcano. The landlord got a new arse ripped on the phone and told I’d smoke wherever I wanted as there was no clause in the contract saying there was a smoking ban inside or out.
It all went quiet for a couple of months then it was the hours I keep.
I do live an unusual lifestyle so my hours are all over the place. I can come home late and be up at the crack of dawn as I nap every afternoon breaking my day and sleep up. The same as I’ve been doing since my late teens and not likely to ever change, especially for some bored bellend with nothing else to do but complain.
Soon after it was the potted plants my wife grows, then it was the volume of my TV, which at the time was utterly priceless as I didn’t own one. Then it was back to the smoking.
It all came to a head last year after I gave an ultimatum to my landlord that I either just leave or he had a stern word with the Yank wank after the pervert climbed and looked over the wall separating our balconies at 4.30am running his mouth as I’m laid in bed chatting with my wife.
To say I was upset was an understatement.
His wife showed up the next day to apologise to my missus for his antics and foul mouth. Yes, he used the “C” word over and over aimed at Mrs Stick. Completely unacceptable.
After this I couldn’t let it go. Spying on me in bed and cursing at my wife wasn’t something I could, or was willing, to forgive and forget. He’d simply been a prick from the outset and was never going to change. And he hasn’t.
Last week an email lands from the landlord telling me to keep the noise down. Yet another eruption. Noise? I’ll give you fucking noise. Happy Hardcore collection opened and set to repeat. Off out I went and let old grumpy enjoy some Scooter.
I’m not perfect, none of us are but one thing I’m not is a noisy neighbour. I have music on most of the day at low volume, so low you can’t hear it when you walk out the room. The odd song here and there gets a boost but not at night as there are young kids living below me but after this email the whole building were my audience.
I’d had enough.
An angry call to the landlord to tell him I’m leaving and he better get his arse down here to do an inspection on the place ahead of me moving out as I’m not having any nonsense over getting my deposit back. He showed up last Sunday looking all sheepish. He said all I owed was 500 baht. Fine. I u-turned and walked away leaving him stood in the middle of the sitting room to see himself out.
The most unmannerly thing I have done in decades and I did feel kind of bad for about 20 seconds before thinking, fuck him. He made his bed with the Yank so they can both lie in it.
I’ve been talking about moving for long enough and now I am… bye-bye Ari, hello… Bearing but annoying that my hand was forced by the idiot next door and my pussy landlord who has no balls to stand up to the clown.