When anyone mentions Patpong the first thing people usually think of are ping-pong and pussy shows, rip-off bars, touts, the overpriced fakes from the market and a big long list of other negatives which are all easily found if you wander up and down Soi 1 which is home of the night market and all the other typical tourist traps.
Take a walk 30 seconds through to Patpong Soi 2 and you enter another world. One with decent bars, good go-go’s and plenty of places to keep you entertained for the night – without being ripped off or offered the chance to watch some old boiler firing darts out places that should be kept hidden from everyone except herself.
My Ten Reasons To Party In Patpong Tonight covers only soi 2 and none of the bars, clubs and pubs dotted around the areas close by. I’ll cover those watering holes another time.
#1 3am Closing
No worries in Patpong about early closing or lights out for public holidays. It is party time all the way through until 3am every night with no surprise appearances from the boys in brown showing up and throwing their weight about closing bars and clubs early all because someone got out the wrong side of bed.
I can’t put my finger on this one but the relaxed atmosphere not only covers the area in general but also the atmosphere in the bars too. The place just has a different feel and vibe to it than the other bar areas. Lots of friendly folks around and the shitty attitudes seen so often at many bars are few and far between.
I’m always left scratching my head when I hear guys talking about Patpong as if it is in some far flung part of Bangkok. Perhaps they think anywhere not on the Sukhumvit strip is just too far but FFS, it’s a few stops on the BTS or MRT and there’s no shortage of speeding Somchai’s ready and willing to take the ten minute trip for 100 baht.
Cosmos is as good a place as any to meet up with your boys and kick off the night with hassle-free beer in a bar that could be anywhere in the world other than Bangkok if you get what I mean. If you don’t, then there’s a reason to go have a look for yourself.
Baba Bing, The Strip, Club Electric Blue, Pink Panther and Black Pagoda have enough hotties to keep any man satisfied and if you can’t find yourself a “friend” for the night from one of these chrome pole clubs then there’s no hope for you fella. Each bar is a little different from the next and each offers up a slightly different go-go experience. No two are the same and that keeps things fresh as you move from bar to bar.
G’s Restaurant is dubbed the “The Embassy of Beers” and has a menu full of traditional German favourites plus a wide selection of Thai dishes to wash down with some of their imported ales. A decent choice if you want a quiet sit down dinner at the start of your night instead and diving right into a session at Cosmos.
Despite the throngs of tourists pounding the pavements over on Soi 1 there really aren’t many to be seen on soi 2. There are tourists around but they are typically the type who are there for what a redlight district has to offer and not just floating about taking selfies in front of a go-go bar, gawking and loudly sharing their unwelcome thoughts on older guys with younger women like is often seen at Soi Cowboy.
BarBar is on the right hand side of Soi 2 as you enter from Silom Rd and being a fetish club it caters to guys looking for a night with a difference. If you wanted gagged, tied up, handcuffed or whatever else you have in mind when it comes to kinky then the ladies of Bar Bar have got it covered.
#9 After Hours
Right at the top of the list I mentioned 3am closing but that my boozebag friends is just for the “main” go-go’s and bars. There are four or five other watering holes still supplying jungle juice for another hour or two beyond the official 3am closing time. Try Spanky’s just along from Foodland. The lights will be dim but the bartender is home even if that gate looks closed, just look closer, it’s open just enough to get in and out. Another option is the large pool bar on the opposite side of the road. This isn’t always open but 90% of the time it is. And finally, Last Orders which is a tiny bar on the left past CEB as you head back towards Silom Rd.
After a skinful and a possible roll around a short time hotel, a man needs to refuel and the Took Lae Dee restaurant inside the 24 hour Foodland has all you need in the way of grub to soak up the booze.
The bars, clubs and restaurants mentioned above certainly don’t cover the whole soi as there are dozens of venues that didn’t get a mention, I’ve just pointed out a few places to go where you won’t be hustled and taken for a mug by scrupulous staff with burly bouncers to back them up when you query your 2,500 baht bill for two small Singha’s. Most, if not all of the bars and clubs, have foreign owners and/or managers who I know to be good people and not in the business of ripping off their customers, either old or new.
Disclaimer: None of the businesses asked or paid to be mentioned on the Ten Reasons To Party In Patpong Tonight list. They are just places I know well enough to talk about and recommend.
My Week Off Was A Washout
I turned 50 last Monday and the plan was to work all day then, later on, celebrate with my missus and a couple of close friends before taking a few days off to relax and do something other than sit in front of the computer all day and night.
This plan was carved out on Friday night and Saturday morning.
All weekend I had my head down putting together a skeleton schedule on social media for my planned time off to keep things ticking over, just at a trickle.
Then on Sunday evening, the entire plan fell apart in one small but sudden movement.
I did my back in and the pain was excruciating.
Despite feeling like I was getting tasered every time I moved I cracked on with the social scheduling on Monday and went out as planned.
By Wednesday I could hardly move. I tried walking, laying down, heat pads, a massage thingy for your back… no dice.
A few packets of pills from the doc started to ease the pain but coughing or sneezing left me on the verge of passing out in pain.
Over the weekend with lots of pills and laying flat out on bed relieved things somewhat but what a wasted week.
I did nothing and went nowhere.
So here I am, back at my desk having had the longest period of time off since November 2019 when I flew back to Scotland for a few days and no better off.
One word sums up my week off – washout.
No Twitter, No Problem
Facebook is the dominant social media network with far more users than the likes of Twitter but with more users comes more rules and for Stickboy that has been an ongoing problem for the past 7 years.
In February 2020 Zuckerberg & Co pulled the plug on the original Stickboy Bangkok Facebook page that had gained 60,000 followers.
25,000 photos, 1000’s of videos and endless hours of work gone in the click of a moderators mouse – well, it is their site and their rules which I tried hard to follow but it was impossible with the haters and keyboard warriors reporting all the posts and AI technology used by Facebook incorrectly marking content as offensive.
This has made the new Stickboy BKK FB page rather dull and boring plus it isn’t as easy to share others content on the platform like it is over on Twitter where they are far more relaxed with their rules of what is and isn’t acceptable to post.
The problem is a lot of people aren’t interested in Twitter or just don’t get it so followers of Stickboy end up missing out on some great content and conversations shared on that platform that just isn’t suitable for Facebook.
As a way to give readers choices, I have published a page here on stickboybkk.com that lets you see my Twitter feed without the need to download the app and sign up for an account.
I have also done the same for the Stickboy Babes Twitter account that doesn’t exist on Facebook as the risk and chances of getting banned are far too high.
So there’s no need to miss out on any great content being shared somewhere you aren’t interested in or signed up for.
No account needed, read right here on the Stickboy website
FROM THE ARCHIVES: 5 Things Expats Love To Boast About
Bangkok is bullshit central as far as I’m concerned – it always has been and it always will be. It matters not where you work or socialise, your fellow expats in vast numbers tend to talk utter crap, usually about themselves.
There’s no stopping them and what I’ve listed below are only a handful of the things expats like to boast and brag about with 99.99% of it nothing more than a figment of their imagination.
If you are here in Thailand legally what difference does it make what visa anyone else is on?
Well, to some a great deal as it happens and anyone on anything they deem a “lower status” option than theirs shall be looked upon and treated like shit on their shoe.
Yet, many claiming to have their house in order are the ones disappearing over the border every three months… because they just love Cambodia so much.
Who They Know
Name dropping knobheads are everywhere and there’s no escaping them.
Do you know such and such? I bumped into blah blah the other day. Yeah I’m pals with the owner of XYZ.
My answer in these situations is always, “Nah, sorry I don’t know many people here” and to be fair, that’s a true statement. I don’t know many people here.
The chances of me knowing some guy who put on a show in an unknown venue located down a sub soi in the arse-end of Sukhumvit Road are about slight to none much the same as me knowing the owner of XYZ.
But they are super well known in Bangkok… well, I live under a rock with a tiny population and that’s just how I like it but good for you on having such a well-known and well-connected network.
They will talk to fellow expats in Thai and then pull a face when you don’t respond – we are both native English speakers you fud so what’s with the Thai?
Then we have those who “think” they can speak the lingo when at best they can tell the taxi driver left and right on the way home but that doesn’t stop them making a complete fool of themselves with their gibberish.
So you can speak some Thai, good on ya, but you aren’t alone, there are plenty of foreigners here who have put in the effort to learn the language but there’s a time and a place but chit-chatting to me in Thai isn’t one of them.
Wife / Girlfriend
Her heritage and social standing will be mentioned in the first breath of manure coming out their mouth about her being Thai-Chinese, or is it the other way around?
You will quickly be informed of how she is the only child of a super-wealthy hi-so family who owns half of Thonglor.
In their head this makes them believe they are superior to anyone foolish enough to date an Isaan native.
And what usually makes this funnier is they aren’t dating some super-rich chick at all but some wannabe WAG.
But why spoil the fun by pointing out the obvious? Let them carry on with their foolish fantasy.
Their Latest Money Making Idea
And the most important part of the title is “idea” because 99.999% of these dreamers who harp on about the millions they are going to make with their amazing money maker never ever get around to putting their big plans into action.
They spend all day, and night, talking and do absolutely nothing.
And it’s funny how they always need a “partner” to get it off the ground.
Right, Stick is outta here before we get to how long they have lived here, the millions they are earning a month, how much champagne they drink, the fantastic job they have, how successful they were back in farrangland… and please don’t let me ever meet another special forces guy.