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FROM THE ARCHIVES: 5 Things Expats Love To Boast About

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Bangkok is bullshit central as far as I’m concerned – it always has been and it always will be. It matters not where you work or socialise, your fellow expats in vast numbers tend to talk utter crap, usually about themselves.

There’s no stopping them and what I’ve listed below are only a handful of the things expats like to boast and brag about with 99.99% of it nothing more than a figment of their imagination.

5 Things Expats Love To Boast About

Visa

If you are here in Thailand legally what difference does it make what visa anyone else is on?

Well, to some a great deal as it happens and anyone on anything they deem a “lower status” option than theirs shall be looked upon and treated like shit on their shoe.

Yet, many claiming to have their house in order are the ones disappearing over the border every three months… because they just love Cambodia so much.

Who They Know

Name dropping knobheads are everywhere and there’s no escaping them.

Do you know such and such? I bumped into blah blah the other day. Yeah I’m pals with the owner of XYZ.

My answer in these situations is always, “Nah, sorry I don’t know many people here” and to be fair, that’s a true statement. I don’t know many people here.

The chances of me knowing some guy who put on a show in an unknown venue located down a sub soi in the arse-end of Sukhumvit Road are about slight to none much the same as me knowing the owner of XYZ.

But they are super well known in Bangkok… well, I live under a rock with a tiny population and that’s just how I like it but good for you on having such a well-known and well-connected network.

Speaking Thai

They will talk to fellow expats in Thai and then pull a face when you don’t respond – we are both native English speakers you fud so what’s with the Thai?

Then we have those who “think” they can speak the lingo when at best they can tell the taxi driver left and right on the way home but that doesn’t stop them making a complete fool of themselves with their gibberish.

So you can speak some Thai, good on ya, but you aren’t alone, there are plenty of foreigners here who have put in the effort to learn the language but there’s a time and a place but chit-chatting to me in Thai isn’t one of them.

Wife / Girlfriend

Her heritage and social standing will be mentioned in the first breath of manure coming out their mouth about her being Thai-Chinese, or is it the other way around?

You will quickly be informed of how she is the only child of a super-wealthy hi-so family who owns half of Thonglor.

In their head this makes them believe they are superior to anyone foolish enough to date an Isaan native.

And what usually makes this funnier is they aren’t dating some super-rich chick at all but some wannabe WAG.

But why spoil the fun by pointing out the obvious? Let them carry on with their foolish fantasy.

Their Latest Money Making Idea

And the most important part of the title is “idea” because 99.999% of these dreamers who harp on about the millions they are going to make with their amazing money maker never ever get around to putting their big plans into action.

They spend all day, and night, talking and do absolutely nothing.

And it’s funny how they always need a “partner” to get it off the ground.

Right, Stick is outta here before we get to how long they have lived here, the millions they are earning a month, how much champagne they drink, the fantastic job they have, how successful they were back in farrangland… and please don’t let me ever meet another special forces guy.

Stickboy BKK is the #1 website for Bangkok nightlife and entertainment news for expats and tourists, covering everything from local news to what's going on after dark. You can drop us an email here - stickboybangkok@gmail.com

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Opinion

Stickboy Bangkok Is For Sale

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This website, Stickboy Bangkok, and its associated social media profiles are for sale.

If you are interested in owning the best-known and highest-trafficked Bangkok entertainment and nightlife website, this opportunity is for you.

Even during the covid shutdown of nightlife in Thailand, Stickboy still reached over 120 million eyeballs in 2021.

Now that Thailand is returning to normal with tourist numbers increasing month on month, this is the perfect time to relaunch, not forgetting there’s a massive new marijuana market waiting to be tapped for advertising and promotion.

Of course, the website and socials have gone quiet so numbers are way down meaning work will be required to get back on track which is reflected in the sale price.

Included in the sale:

  • Domains: stickboybkk.com & stickboybangkok.com
  • Website: the website as seen, inc design, templates, archives etc
  • Social Accounts: Twitter x 2, Facebook Business Page + Group, Instagram – additional social accounts covering various other Bangkok-related handles are also available.
  • Email: Gmail account stickboybangkok@gmail.com

Hosting is not included but the current setup could be transferred. The monthly cost is $108. Overall operating costs are around $200 per month.

Assistance and help to get any new owners up to speed will be available for the first month after purchase.

If you are interested please get in touch in the first instance via email: stickboybkk@gmail.com

Note: a partnership would be considered with the right person

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Opinion

9 Ways You’ll Get Caught Cheating In Bangkok

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Not every man who lives in Bangkok strays but at some point in their life most men do. Fact.

Denying it is commonplace with many claiming to be faithful to their partner. My ass.

And the more you do it the more chance you’ll get caught. That’s a given.

Here are 9 ways you’ll get caught cheating in Bangkok that you might not have considered.


A Sighting

A Sighting

Bangkok is big but not that big

You’d think a city of 12 million would be a great place to avoid anyone who might know you on a night out with your bit on the side by going down some far-flung alley but Bangkok has eyes everywhere.

It’s not about who you see but who sees you.

Do you know where the cleaners from your condo live? The WIN guys from down the soi? An acquaintance of your other half who you’ve never met but has seen dozens of pictures of you?

There are no secrets in this city especially when it comes to Thais gossiping about the bad farang with the beautiful girlfriend.


A Road Accident

A Road Accident

Rare but possible

Suddenly you are in hospital at 2am because speeding Somchai ran a red light and smacked a passing pickup. How are you going to explain what you were doing out in the middle of the night after saying you were tired and having an early night at 10.45pm?

As they say, accidents do happen.


A Message

A Message

Chat apps are your enemy

You exchanged numbers or added her on Line – a BIG MISTAKE that will likely come back to bite you on the bum.

You can’t guard your mobile 24/7 not to mention all that sneaking around and suspicious behaviour when it beeps is going to set alarm bells ringing in your little lady’s head.

Hiding notifications or muting your chats is a feeble attempt at covering up your sordid sexts. It might work in the short term but after a few weeks of fooling around the hammer will fall, either on your head or your handset. If you are unlucky, both.


lipstick on shirt collar

Perfume & Lipstick

Old but obvious

“What’s that mark on your jeans darling?”
“Where?”
“Right next to your dick that I’m about to cut off if it’s what I think it is.”

Hungover after a night of drunken antics with a floozy down the dark depths of Soi 22 you forgot all about joking around and sticking her head down there pretending she was blowing you. It was all good fun at the time but she left her mark. A smudge of lipstick that your bleary eyes never noticed through your drunken haze but her indoors won’t miss it.


extra condoms

Condoms

Safe sex can be unsafe too

Booze and bad decisions go hand in hand and a quickie with a lady of the night might seem sensible at the time because you popped into the 7-Eleven and bought a box of condoms but stuffing the one you didn’t use in your wallet for another time… those bad decisions start adding up.

When your woman wants to borrow a 100 baht and your drunken ass is still in bed she’s not gonna wake you up, she’s just opening that wallet to help herself.

And just like that, your ass is grass and your other half is about to mow it.


clean condo

A Clean Condo

If it doesn’t stink it stinks

After hosting a few harlots you decide to change the bedding before your babe comes back. Then you notice a few unusual marks on the bathroom sink. Next thing you know you’re mopping the floor. A final run round sees you dusting this and clearing away that. The place is spotless and there’s not a trace of any stray skirt.

As soon as your missus sees the place shining a dozen red flags will jump out her handbag and slap her around the head.

Fluffing up the bed and washing a few cups is one thing, giving it a going over as if you are on an episode of Clean House is another.


A Jealous Ex

A Jealous Ex

Beware of bunny boilers

A Friday night fumble with your ex after bumping into her at W District on a night out with the boys was fun at the time but despite her repeatedly telling you she doesn’t want you back doesn’t mean she is happy for you to be getting on with your life.

No, no, no. If she hasn’t met Mr Right yet then why should you be allowed to move on?

Fatal Attraction: The Bangkok Bunny Boiler in the making all because you couldn’t keep it in your pants.


thai baht

Unsual Spending Habits

It all adds up

You know how much you’ve got and so does she.

Even that “secret” stash you’ve got is all mentally logged in her head so when 5,000 here and 3,000 there start going unaccounted for, your balls will be on the line unless you can sweet talk your way through it week after week, date after date.


A Single Strand Of Hair

A Single Strand Of Hair

The #1 way to get caught

They can turn up in the most unexpected places such as a sock or inside a shoe, under the bedside cabinet, the back of the sofa, the sink, and on and on and on the list goes.

It just sits there unnoticed until it’s not noticed then it looks like someone is shining a spotlight on it.

And right at that moment, it’s game over for you.

Caught by a tiny, single strand of hair.

FYI: 9 Ways You’ll Get Caught Cheating In Bangkok was originally drafted by Mike in 2020 and the vast majority of it is his work.

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